Yesterday Ron and I drove 35 miles to have breakfast – alone. It’s a beautiful restaurant with a cozy feel and a yummy breakfast buffet.
We chatted about our goals for the New Year and our dreams for the future. He talked about concrete ideas and I (of course) became dramatic and talked about lofty goals, emotions and relationships.
While discussing one point I winked and asked if he would like a trigger word.
“What do you mean?”
“Well…” I paused to savor the last bite of my bread pudding. “I now know that you feel the way I do about this issue. You know it hurts me so why should we re-hash the details.”
“Exactly!” He proudly sat back and munched on his bacon.
“But I’m afraid so I will need reassurance that you understand my side. If I get scared I’ll simply say, ‘Do you see my pain?’ That will be your cue to be understanding without the rehashing. Deal?”
Riding home I thought about the insurmountable pain that is caused when two people misunderstand the others motives. You think I don’t care and I’m sure you are selfish. He wants to be good but she won’t see him any different.
Relationships can never change if you don’t see the other person as Christ sees them. He is able to love them for the actual good or the potential for good in their life. Most of the time we are blind to those qualities.
If you want to love a friend as Christ would, you must “know” them as Christ does. Watch them. Look for the good. Try to understand their situation and their personality. That requires that you refuse to allow your conversations to always be about you.
Work to make every conversation a two-way street. Let your friend, relative, husband, child – shine. Help them share their inner thoughts without negative comments from you. Once the conversation is balanced, don’t dodge questions about the “deeper” you. Be open. Share your life with them so they will “know” you as Christ does.
The more you know them and the more they understand you – the more you can love them as Christ does.
With God all things are possible.